The communication problem

লিখেছেন লিখেছেন Rienalogy ১৭ সেপ্টেম্বর, ২০১৪, ০৪:১৪:৪৫ বিকাল

Well, the title says it all. This is basically the biggest problem for me and elite, my husband. Not all because of English is none of ours mother language (that also a problem though, i have like America kindergarten standard of English). But mostly, it because the way i talk or understand is totally different with elite. Me, just like common Indonesian, understand the talk by emotions and always guessing the meaning of what people say/try to read mind of what the exact meaning behind the opposite’s talks, which is disaster for elite who process the words like computer (cannot understand if any of information is missing or irrelevant).

In early time of our marriage, we struggle through alot of arguments and hard time for this problem. Still, sometimes we found it is very hard to understand each other . It is getting better because, we understand more (needless to say we love each other more). Some people says. “why dont you learn bengali?” or ask elite “why dont you learn bahasa indonesia?”. Well, not that i dont want to or elite dont want to, i understand bengali little bit same like elite understand indonesia little bit. And i can assure you my language ability is away better than his. I dont even think he’d be ever able to speak fluent indonesia but for me if i have chance of living in bangladesh longer then i m sure i can speak fluent. But, for now its better to speak better english than to add any other language, for our problem.

Its not always that bad though, we also got some funny experience with the differences. Elite usually talk reverse way of indonesia like he want to say “jam berapa = what time?” and he will say it “berapa jam= how many hour?” which confused the people who cannot tolerate miss-position of words in also, once he went for buying egg he keep mention “egg” nobody understand then he need to describe with body language and say “chicken ball, chicken ball”. I feel pity for him, i know its not easy for him (mind the age and his sucks ability to absorb new words). Bangladeshi also found me funny when talking bengali, they said i talk like a baby “bhat ruti”(bread, made of rice powder) “boro pa” etc.

Sometimes, i feel really frustrated and hopeless. I cannot say something i want to say clearly, its like my brain goes faster than my mouth or the other way around. And before i continue to process, elite already capture the words and start analyzing if not yelling at it. I broke down again and again elite also getting crazy. It feels like my marriage is non mixed couple problems times 1000.

Until one day, elite found a way to make things better. He dont saying things the way he usually deliver it. He also made me habituated with some of house work or daily habit so he doesn't need to talk about it all over again. And i also start listening more carefully and not filtering words as much as before. I used to take only words i want to hear from him, and try to forget the ugly one because its not nice to hear. Sadly, the ugly one is the main point usually.

This need 2 years!

A freaking 2 years of my marriage life to understand our way of talking.

It was funny and tragic if i remember how bad the situation could be just because of communication.

I could say elite and me passed the test and we will be fine.

বিষয়: বিবিধ

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